"Alesana saved my life."

"They Saved My Life."

People always tell me “Their just a band Val.” Well no, they aren't to me. Alesana maybe a band, a group of friends just doing what they love best. But they are my hero’s. Just like every long dreary day I was up just searching for new bands. I’m really picky and other bands just didn’t have the spark I was looking for. I went on you tube and typed in “20 best screamo bands.” I clicked on the first video. A few seconds in big bold leaders popped up which read #1 Alesana: Annabel. I never ever heard of them so immediately I was intrigued. Just a few lyrical words I was hooked on them! Their lyrics hit my heart and explained how I felt in every way. In no hurry I had their whole album downloaded onto my iTunes. So, that’s how it all began. My obsession with this band. The band of 6 dedicated members.


Why do I call them my hero? How did they even save my life? Well its like this. I got home and without even stepping into the door I was being yelled at for nothing at all. My mom…well, I cant say much, I cant say I love her or even care for her. My parents got divorced close to 3 years ago. And since then my mom despised me…beat me, tortured me till I decided to move out. That day, I was pushed around in school, laughed at through that hallways, and mocked. I mean that was everyday for me. But for some reason that day just got to me more. I got home, dealt with my mom and soon enough ran into my room, slammed the door, locked it, sat on my bed and cried. I just had enough…


Later that night I had my laptop on. If my memory is correct I was listening to Eyes Set to Kill. My hands were shacking, the blade sat on the palm of my hand. Eyes locked on it. The light hit it were the blade shined. I was tempted. I was ready. I said goodbye to a few friends. Looked at my treasures and a tear rolled down my cheek and hit the hard wood floors of my cold bedroom. But it was okay, my worries will be slashed away. No more pain, no more tears.


I cant really quiet explain this well, its just I was in so much pain. My depression worsened every single time I set foot into NBC (my old school) and my house. I was hated every were I turned. I didn’t feel welcome. Im pretty sure I wasn’t either. I was done, I gave up. I finally snapped out of my daze, I gripped the blade, and started to aim for my wrists. But then I realized the song ended. But you know I didn’t care, I continued. My first slit seemed to be the most painful, but I continued, deeper and deeper each time. The blood began to form a puddle on my floor. I ran out of room….


I finally clicked on another song, the silence was unbearing in. struggling to keep my hand from shaking, I clicked on “Annabel: Alesana.” the song began and so did I, aimed for my throat this time. I stopped, scared for the end results. Just a little blade can cause a lot of damage. But I lost enough blood so this death can be quick right? Well that’s what I thought at least. So I started up again, closer and closer to just ending it. I wanted to so badly. I was done with the torment, the pain, the depression. Just done…but wait, my hand started backing away, my ears opened. And I heard this

“Imagine where you'd be now if you only knew.
The one you love is the one who's killing you.
I trusted you too much.
I know now that I should have kept my eyes wide open.
The first time that we kissed.
I'll bury you for this.“

I don’t know what it was about this specific line but it made me stop. It made me realize that I shouldn’t end it because of my enemies. The people that hate me. I shouldn’t end it because my bf left me “the one you love is the one who’s killing you” it wasn’t worth it. I just sat and listened to the song that made me fall in love with them. I put the blade down, wrapped my arm and continued to listen to it. I love Alesana, they saved my life. I wouldn’t be here right now if I never found this band. I have so mant wonderful things right now. A boyfriend that loves me. A roof over my head. A better school. And friends that love me. All I have to say at this point was I love you Shawn Milke, Dennis Lee, Shane Crump, Alex Torres, Jeremy Bryan, and Patrick Thompson.